The Best of Me
by iCarlyRox18
Summary: "Leaving me behind? Freddie, we went over this. You made a promise, remember?" "Yeah…" "And what was that promise?" "That I'd come back home safe for you, I know, but—" "Exactly. You promised me that you'd come home for me," she had interjected, moved a hand to cup his cheek and brush a thumb over his parted lips. "And I'm holding you to it." One-shot. Seddie. T for some language.
1. The Best of Me

**A/N: Words in italics are from the song "The Little Things" by The Icarus Account. Listen to it. I promise this fic will make you cry if you listen to it beforehand, or even during you read. Thanks.**

**Link to song (remove spaces): www . / watch?v=cCZp3ruiqmE**

**But seriously, though. Please listen to it. **

Freddie watched the distant stars as his warm breath released a puff of white steam into the chilly air. He closed the gap between the lapels of his camouflage jacket and crossed his arms, his body shivering a little even underneath his layers of clothing. During these nights while a soldier waited for the wage of war to erupt the following morning, it sure was cold.

His gaze was now focused on the dust of the ground kicking up, leaving a cloudy trail behind the army truck he was in as it rumbled along, transporting him and his squad out to their next destination.

As he listened to the snores of his other comrades and the miniscule rocks clanging on the metal beneath them as they drove, he found himself thinking about his girlfriend of four years, and he smiled, wondering what she was doing and who she was hanging out with.

_I watched you walk away today_

_I wonder if you thought to stay_

In his mind's eye, he pictured her plump lips. He pictured her bright smile. He pictured the blue abyss of her eyes. The delicate curls of her silky blonde hair. The light-heartedness of her laughter.

_Remember when we stayed up_

_Watched the sunrise as it came a-painting _

_All the brilliant colors?_

_We had it all, we were the greatest lovers_

Wanting the full visual of these things flitting through his mind, he reached for his pack, opening the latch of the secret pocket where the picture of that same beautiful woman lay. He reached in and pulled it out, smiling immediately at the familiar, yet still picturesque photograph of the blonde. The corners and sides were beginning to fade and fray a little bit, and there was a handful of thin white creases here and there, a result of the wear and tear it constantly underwent when he'd accidentally drop it, or pull it out, kiss it, and hold it close to his chest before going out into the perilous battlefield to shoot at the enemy. Still, the wornness of it didn't stop him from keeping it close to his heart.

_Now I'm away from you_

_But I won't forget the little things you do_

Joining the army was a decision Freddie made that Sam had resented since day one. In her letters, she would always tell him to keep safe and to always think about her before he went out into the warzone, so that God forbid something happened to him, she would know that she was the last thing on his mind before his last dying breath.

_I won't forget the little things you do_

She almost lost him. Twice, actually. The first time, he'd been shot in his left shoulder, leaving a scar that Sam constantly kissed whenever she got the chance, tears almost always welling in her eyes when she'd remember the terror she felt that night when she got the phone call from that hospital in whatever-the-hell country it was.

The second time, he'd been shot in the abdomen, and he really came close to the end that time. He'd lost so much blood… She lost so many tears. Both times, she'd cried hysterically when he finally got home fully recovered and pulled him close to her in a beyond-relieved hug that wouldn't allow his lungs oxygen, and she wouldn't let go of his hand until the end of the night, when they were tangled beneath the sheets and their names would escape from each other's mouths in pleasured breathlessness.

The picture he was holding now had been in his possession since their second anniversary. It was a vertical picture of her (nineteen megapixels, of course) sitting in his lawn chair on their fire escape, laughing heartily at a joke he'd cracked. He'd always noticed that even when she was laughing, she'd always manage to still look absolutely gorgeous, and – because his new high-definition camera needed some "testing" at the time – he snapped a picture. A picture she'd actually scolded him for taking and begged him to delete but he kept anyway.

He could feel his heart swell and ache a little bit knowing that this beautiful girl was thousands of miles away from him.

Because that's the sad truth. When you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering. Maybe they'll break your heart, and maybe you'll break theirs and never be able to look at yourself the same way again. Those are the risks. That's the burden.

And, as strong as the love that existed between them was, both of them knew those thousand miles between them had the easiest potential to tear them apart.

This sad truth was exactly why Sam had left an unspoken note for him in his bag before he left. One that he still read every day over all the many others.

He remembered the mistiness in her eyes the day she had to say goodbye to him, watch him walk away and know that, in that moment, it could be the last time she ever saw him again.

He had to give her credit. Had Sam been the one going into the army, he probably would have clung to her and never let her leave.

"I love you so much," she had said softly when they pulled away from the last kiss before he left, the emotion flowing between them overwhelming, almost stifling in the way it made their chests swell with apprehension. "Please stay safe for me."

"I will," he'd responded with an affirmative nod. "And I love you, too. So much... And I'm sorry." He shook his head.

"For what?"

"For putting you through this," he'd sucked in a breath then and released it shakily, realized some things. "I feel like I've just realized that this is going to be hard for you."

"Well, it's going to be hard for you, too," she'd whispered reassuringly against his lips, pressed their noses together and wrapped her arms even tighter around his neck.

"That's not the same, though. I can deal with that stuff. I don't care about me; I don't care about how I feel… It's you... I love _you_. I don't want you to hurt, but somehow, leaving you behind feels like the one thing that's going to do that."

"Leaving me behind? Freddie, we went over this. You made a promise, remember?"

"Yeah…"

"And what was that promise?"

"That I'd come back home safe for you, I know, but—"

"Exactly. You promised me that you'd come home for me," she had interjected, moved a hand to cup his cheek and brush a thumb over his parted lips as she watched the dampness beginning to fill his eyes, mirroring her own bright blue ones. "And I'm holding you to it."

He'd just nodded and pretended not to notice the way her voice faltered at the end of her sentence, squeezed his eyes shut to will away the tears beginning to burn beneath his eyelids as he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could, memorized the feel of her body against his before he left her behind.

"I just need you to be strong for me, Sam," he'd whispered shakily at the same time a tear slipped down his cheek.

It was only until later, when he arrived at his destination, that he noticed the corner of an envelope sticking out of his bag, discovering that it was a letter addressed to him from Sam.

He was holding the same exact letter in his hands right now, reading it for about the thousandth time as the truck rumbled along into the darkened hour of dusk, underneath the waned light of the moon.

_Dear Freddie,_

_I may not know much about the army or squadrons or guerrilla (look, I spelled it right!) warfare and chiz, but I do know that I want you to be safe when you're out there. Like I said, think about me every time you run out to get those bad guys. I mean, if you're gonna' be with a Puckett, fight like one. :) _

_But in all seriousness, please be safe for me, Freddie. I'm starting to accept the reality of it all… because this is really happening, isn't it? I'm not gonna' see you again for a while. And I'm starting to realize that I might not be _able_ to see you again... _

_I know what you're going to say to that. You're going to promise me that you'll keep safe, and that you'll come back for me. But when I think about it – when anyone thinks about it – I know that you can never be sure of that. We don't live in a fairy-tale. From what I hear, not everyone survives a war, Freddie. And as strong as I know you are, you and I can't be sure that we'll be able to see each other again. _

The first time Freddie had read this, he noticed that the "again" was blotched, as if a drop of water had spilled on the word and blurred its coherence.

But Freddie knew better.

_And that's the thing. If anything happens to you, please know that I love you, Freddie Benson. I love you so much. More than I thought possible. You should know that I'm a little angry at you for leaving, but I do love you. And I miss you already. The past four years have been the best of my life, and I hope to experience even more with you in the years to come. You've made me a better person than I ever was, and though I know you'll say that I've always been wonderful, I want you to know that you are the very best part of me. You'll always be the best of me._

_Until next time,_

_Sam_

_P.S. Like the stars in the sky…_

"And the grains of sand on the Earth," Freddie completed the statement in a hushed murmur. "We'll be infinite."

_I found the note that you left for me_

_So I open it up _

_And start to read_

_It says, "Dear love, I miss you._

_Hope you know I won't forget you._

_Even if we're worlds away,_

_I'll always be your girl, and I will stay._

_All my love is for you._

_I won't forget the little things you do."_

"Amico," Freddie suddenly heard his thick-accented Italian friend across from him, who he thought had been asleep. "You done staring at that picture yet? Or did you want another couple of hours?"

Antonio Mancini had been a good pal of Freddie's since the very beginning. He'd been in the army for twenty-five years. No wife, no kids, no nothing. Just a haunted past and a whole lot of anger to go with it.

Despite the substantial age difference between them – Mancini being forty-seven – and their fire-and-water-like personalities, they balanced each other out pretty well. Freddie seemed to have a knack for creating close relationships with people that were completely different than he was.

Antonio noticed the scrawl of jet black writing on the inside of his comrade's wrist, just above the material of his jacket sleeve, and he leaned a little closer inconspicuously, squinting a bit to try to get a better glimpse.

"Amico, is that a _tattoo_?"

"What?" Freddie asked, looking up abruptly before looking down at the only tattoo he had on his body. "Oh… yeah. I've had it for a while. Did I never tell you about it?"

He held his wrist out, flexing his hand back until the Roman numerals were readable.

.MMIX.

"No," Antonio replied as he did the math in his head. "But let me guess – it's an anniversary date."

"Nah," Freddie replied, the corner of his lip turning up a little as he pulled back his jacket sleeve even farther. "It's the day I first kissed the girl I'm going to marry. January 3, 2009."

Antonio groaned, rolling his eyes. "That's even _worse_, Fredwardo."

Freddie chuckled at his usual impassiveness.

"And did I hear you say 'marry,' amico?" Antonio asked, letting himself be a little curious about the two lovebirds. "You're finally going to marry Sam?"

"Yup, and got the ring to prove it, buddy." Freddie tossed him the small black box from his pack, and Antonio caught it, examining it momentarily before looking out the back of the truck and back at the box repeatedly.

Then chucking the box out the back as hard as he could.

"ANTONIO!" Freddie shrieked, standing up and watching in horror as the black box bounced twice on the stony dirt before rolling to a stop as they drove farther and farther away from it.

He was about to punch Antonio, who was apparently too busy laughing his butt off to care about the pricey engagement ring he'd just thrown out the back of the vehicle.

"Antonio!" Freddie screamed over the truck's engine. "You _do _realize you owe me six-thousand dollars right now, right?!"

When he kept laughing, Freddie went after him.

"Why, you son of a—!" Freddie was about to strangle him when he was stopped by Antonio's quick hands on his wrists.

"Whoa, whoa, Freddie," Antonio said, his laughing finally starting to die off. "Relax."

"RELAX?" Freddie bellowed in disbelief. "Seriously? You just threw my girlfriend's engagement ring out the back of the fucking truck, and you expect me to _relax_? What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Look, I'll make it up to you," Antonio responded with a sly smile, letting go of Freddie's wrists and pulling out another black box from his own pack. "Here."

"What is that?"

"Your engagement ring," Antonio said, and when he pulled the top back, indeed it was… making Freddie very confused.

"Wha—? I thought you just—?"

"It was a fake. I filled that one with a rusty nail. You dropped this on the way back to camp yesterday, but instead of telling you, I picked it up and played it out my own way."

"Oh…" Freddie said, the anger draining from his face and quickly becoming replaced with embarrassment...

Oops.

"But man, _that_ would've been hilarious. Can you imagine? You getting down on one knee to pop the big question and presenting her with a fuckin' nail," Antonio handed him the box and leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head and crossing his feet out in front of him. "HA, I would've died listening to that story, Fredwardo."

There was a small moment of silence between them before he continued.

"But geez, six-thousand dollars?" Antonio mused. "Trust me, Freddie, I would've put money like that to good use rather than toss it out the back of a truck into the middle of nowhere. How many carats is that damn thing?"

"Two-point-five," Freddie mumbled absentmindedly from his seat, inspecting the ring circumspectly for any damage.

"_Two-poi—_? Oh, Dio mio, you must really love that girl, huh?"

Freddie nodded. "I do."

"Well, when are you going to ask her?"

"I'm going to surprise her," Freddie said. "I'm coming home the week of her birthday and asking her on her birthday. Because I don't usually go home in April. I want to be home with her on her birthday for once. I want to make it the best birthday she'll ever have."

"D'awwwwwwwww," Antonio crooned mockingly, making kissy noises as he clasped his hands together and fluttered his eyelashes. "How cute."

Freddie rolled his eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Well, thank you."

Antonio watched Freddie intently, smiling a bit. This boy. This naïve young man... Antonio was never much for the idea of losing yourself in another person – the idea that love is transcendent and eternal. But this boy believed in it extravagantly. This boy believed it with every fiber, atom, and particle of his being.

This boy managed to make him want to believe it, too.

"Alright, I'm going to sleep," Antonio said abruptly as he yawned, cutting through the silence as he lay down as best he could on the bench.

"Okay, g'night."

"Night, Benson. See you in the morning."

Freddie sighed, sliding the box back into its compartment and sealing it tightly this time. He took one more glance at the picture of Sam before placing it back into its pocket as well.

He looked up and stared briefly at the stars in the sky, hoping that Sam was somehow watching them with him, before looking back down at the sand and the dust that surrounded them.

_Like the stars in the sky, and the grains of sand on the Earth… _

_We'll be infinite._

—

"_We'd never know what's wrong without the pain. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." _

_~ "All At Once" – The Fray_

—

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. Reviews are much appreciated. :) **


	2. Clear-Up

**A/N: Not an update. Um, I have no idea what the hell happened on the anniversary date tattoo on Freddie's wrist. Looks like fanfiction deleted part of it for some reason… It's supposed to say: **

**I . III . MMIX.**

**But without the spaces. lol. Geez, fanfiction is annoying with this stuff. :P **


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